happy {letters to my baby}

Dear baby,

I missed writing to you last week…let’s just say, I’ve started feeling pregnant – or at least, feeling like my body is going through something monumental (growing YOU!) I got a migraine about a week and a half ago, and ever since I’ve been really tired. I’ve even felt a little queasy, but as long as I keep food in my tummy I seem to be (mostly) okay. The funny thing about all this stuff with my body is – I’ve never been so happy to not feel well. I know my body is undertaking a big job – I mean, is there any bigger physical job than creating another human being? I’m okay with being tired – especially since this tired just makes me want to go to bed at 9 pm, and doesn’t make me feel like I can’t access my “self”, which is how I felt when I was really sick a few years ago. It’s sooooo nice to be healthy again, healthy enough to make you and bring you into the world.

In the last two weeks I think I’ve really started believing I’m pregnant, and that I’ll have a baby in just over seven months. Your daddy and I go to bed at night, cuddle up, and one or the other of us says, “I can’t believe we’re having a baby! I’m so HAPPY we’re having a baby!” I don’t think either of us have ever been this happy…there’s something so amazing and wonderful about bringing a new life into the world.

It’s hard to stay focused on “normal life stuff”, I’m pretty much consumed with thoughts about you. I even started researching cloth diapers – how funny is that! But I know that in many ways the next seven months are going to fly by and you’re going to be here before I know it.

Something cool – several of my friends are having babies around the same time I am, so you’ll have lots of little friends!

Daddy and I are working on some thoughts for you – not sure what we’re calling it yet. “Promises to our Children” is the working title. It’s sort of like marriage vows…we want to give the same kind of love and commitment to you that we gave to each other when we got married. Here’s part of what we’ve got so far:

We love you.

We love you. Not our idea of you, not what we want you to be, but you – the person you are. We promise to get to know you as you are, not try to bend you to our idea or anyone else’s idea of who you “should be.” We promise curiosity about your interests and hobbies, your likes and dislikes.

We love you. What this means is that there is nothing you could do that would make us love you less – and there is nothing you could do that would make us love you more. We just love you. You cannot disappoint us. Nothing you become will disappoint us; we have no preconceived ideas about what we’d like to see you be or do. We have no desire to make you into something, only to discover you.

We love you. We are not just “mommy” and “daddy”; we are “Mike” and “Heidi”. We promise to bring who we are into this thing called parenting, and we will let you know us as human beings – human beings who fail, who have needs of our own, who have feelings. We won’t set ourselves above you as if, because we are adults, we are better than you. Rather, we will share our selves with you – apologizing when we’re wrong, admitting when we don’t know something. Being parents does not mean knowing everything, doing everything perfectly, or being above the law. We are, in the end, human.

What do you think?

love,
mommy